| Dragnix.Net http://dragnix.com/Msg_Board/phpBB/ |
|
| Mask http://dragnix.com/Msg_Board/phpBB/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=233 |
Page 1 of 1 |
| Author: | Dragyness [ Wed Sep 14, 2005 11:06 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Mask |
This isn't all that great, but it's the first poem I've done in a while, and its fairly decent so I figured I'd share^^ Mask I put on a mask, And dance just for you. Like a fool, prance ‘round, Your laughter my cue. I’m your jester, it seems- Nothing more, nothing less. A most pitiful clown, In a floral print dress. You muse and you mock me. You shame and you spite. -BUT- You have no idea, This all ends TONIGHT. I shall have my last show, Watch my last curtain fall. And now ‘til forever, Will not answer your call. I’m tired of trying, To be something I’m not. I’m tired of hiding, Behind this mask. Trapped. Caught. So go ahead now, And be entertained. Laugh when I fall. Grin at my pain. Cause as of tonight, My mask disappears. No more jester am I, To put up with your sneers. It’s as Shakespeare once said, “To thine own self, be true,†So get ready to see, My true face break through. ~*Ciarda*~ |
|
| Author: | Fyre [ Thu Sep 15, 2005 2:29 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
very good poem. I like the imagery it brings up. One things I will say though...the use of and in this bit You muse and you mock me. You shame and you spite. kinda breaks up the ryhthm and I found myself stop flowing and re-reading it...if that's what you want for impact of those words then great. but maybe comma's will do the job just as well as and. just my two yens worth (which believe me aint much at all) |
|
| Author: | Silentiea [ Thu Sep 15, 2005 8:27 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
That's about 2/40ths of a dollar. I think thoae lines flow alright, the and needs to be there or the eter will change. |
|
| Author: | Dragyness [ Thu Sep 15, 2005 12:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thanks much for the compliments and the comments to the both of you! Everything that ya'll say I take into account in my writing and try to put towards improving myself, so thanks for being constructive, etc. ^_^ |
|
| Author: | Silentiea [ Thu Sep 15, 2005 5:50 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Wow. I must have been tired when I wrote that. ...thoSe lines flow alright...or the Meter will change. |
|
| Page 1 of 1 | All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ] |
| Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/ |
|