Hope its good...

[Taluscion]

This is a story I've been working on with Mia for a while. I haven't gotten my own history or any other story to a good working level so this is Seraphine's story...

Angel Feathers
Prologue:
In the kingdom of Eltair there was a prophecy close to coming true. An old gypsy went to the royal palace to make a prediction on the life of the newborn princess. The soothsayer spoke of a reckoning that was soon to take place. The goddess, Aymara of Love, and the goddess, Lilith of Hate, were soon to take human form, but first they had to take a body as a vessel. The humans they chose were to be the two royal children of Eltair, but which one was it to be? No one knew, but on the seventh birthday of the oldest, Seraphine, they would find out. The young girl grew in grace and beauty while her sibling only grew sullen. Seraphine was loved by the entire kingdom and had such a happy life, until her birhtday. On this fateful night, she was plagued by demons, trying to destroy her mind by fear, for she was the Chosen of Aymara. Her parents feared the worst, so they drugged her and took her to a monastery, where her soul will be exorcised. The priests and priestesses at the holy shrine agreed, but on one condition. They had to leave Seraphine there, for the ritual would consume all of her memories. Her parents agreed.

Chapter 1:

Seraphine wiped the sweat that was beading on her brow from the hot sun. She loved working in the garden of the monastery, but not when its so hot like this. She readjusted her blonde ponytail and straightened her clothes as she stood up.
"Where are you going milady?"
Seraphine looked at the other girl who spoke to her and smiled.
"I have to go in to get a drink, it is quite hot out here..." She gazed around the simple plot of fertile land and thought of all the hard work she put into it. The girl watched her with interest and then turned back to her basket of vegetables.
Seraphine bent over to pick up her own basket, and turned around to walk towards the building when a hissing sound caught her attention. Whirling around she gasped in complete horror as arrows poured over the walls, striking the small girl and burying themselves in the ground.
"Isabel!!!" Seraphine shouted in distress as she ran over to teh stricken girl. Isabel looked up weakly from her vantage point on the ground.
"Sera...I can't breathe...you must warn...the Holy Mother..." And with those final words, Isabel fell itno her final slumber.
Biting her lower lip and sqeezing her eyes shut over the hot tears, Seraphine steeled herself and ran pell-mell into the monastery. Alarming several priests, she rabn through the halls shreiking that they were under attack!
The place was a rush of energy as people took weapons off of walls and got ready. Seraphine rushed into the room where the Holy Mother lay.

[+ Silver - Orbs +]

i like it

[Chalgrish]

Ok, mind the fact that I'm an author, and I really need to tell you how to get a book ready.

-Adjectives!
-Adverbs!
-and of course, Description of settings!

[Taluscion]

Yeah, I understand that Chalgrish...but its one thing KNOWING it and USING it. I try to do that but its hard to get the right amount. **sigh** I'll try harder next time.

[Chalgrish]

Don't feel bad, just realize that you need to put those in. treat the story as one that you would like to read.

[Wolf OA]

it needs more to it...i see that it is the 1st chapter, and thats a really good start, but it needs more to it, keep going how it is, and it'll be good...i should know, i've read almost every book around this place...im a student at GHS in washington, and this is my op.

GOOD job, keep it up and NEVER give up, or in

fear not fear, for it is a silly thing to fear, dwhat you should fear my friend, is GIVING up

winners never quit and quiters never win

~wolf

BTW slight spelling error in there

its THE stricten girl, not teh

but it really depends on how you look at it

[Chalgrish]

I went to Brown, what's your point?