Story excerpt

[Aiolos]

This is actually an excerpt from the middle of my 22 page book so far


As the griffin laughed, a smaller, more grayish griffin flew out from the stone castle and landed behind him. The smaller griffin was female, judging by her size and features. She was much more slender than the black griffin, and her eyes were elegantly curved, like a sideways tear-drop. She looked at Aiolos sympathetically, then turned back to the black griffin. She bowed, and while in the act began to speak; “Sir Selagrith, I bring news for you.â€￾ Her voice was beautiful and calming. Surly she was not part of this ‘Ashta’ Casta spoke of. Selagrith stopped laughing and spun around to face the small, gray griffin.
“What is it, Ardra?â€￾ he said, flatly.
Ardra stood up. “The unicron and brown griffin escaped into the Cave. The troop could only salvage a feather from the griffin. It is a wing feather, and was caught in a bush. We suspect that he brushed against the bush and it was pulled out.â€￾
A small butterfly flittered past Selagrith’s face. He caught it with one swipe of his paw, holding it by the tips of it’s wings. The little insect squirmed helplessly, desperately trying to escape from it’s captor.
“I am not afraid of the Cave. That unicron will be mine.â€￾ Selagrith stared down at his captive. He pulled his arm up to his face to let him stare the butterfly in the eye. “And you, small insect, shall help me.â€￾ He grinned, then blew on the butterfly. A wave of blue smoke escaped from his beak and engulfed the insect. “Fly, fly far, my pet,â€￾ he said as he released the butterfly. It flew as fast as it’s wings would carry it. As it flew, it began to change. It doubled in size, and went from a ringed bug-like body to a leathery gray one. It’s wings morphed into transparent membranes held together by five-fingered hands. It’s head elongated and grew teeth, and it’s pixelized eyes changed to pupil-less maroon red orbs. It lost two legs, and the remaining four became bulkier and grew hands at the bottom, tipped with four talons and a thumb. It sprouted two spiraling horns from the back of it’s head, and a long tail flowed out from the end of it’s spine. Two more small wings were placed it the base of it’s newfound tail, supporting it’s obvious weight. It had yellow scales, as hard as rock, plating it’s underbelly, protecting it from some sort of projectile from below.
What Selagrith had created from a simple insect was a small, but obviously powerful dragon. It hovered above the ground, where it doubled in size again, then once more, right in front of Aiolos’ eyes. A stream of smoke shot from it’s nostrils, and it turned around to face Selagrith. It was now the size of a full-grown tiger, it’s face so ugly not even a mother could love it. “Fly, you stupid Draaken, fly and show me the location of Casta the unicron,â€￾ Selagrith told the monster. All was still, and the only sound was the moaning of the wind as the Draaken’s wings beat down upon it.
In a split second, the Draaken that was conjured from a butterfly, was gone. It was like he was never there, nothing was left. One second he was hovering in front of Selagrith, the next, he vanished into the air.
Aiolos, her eyes wide with amazement, looked around for the Draaken. But in vain. Nothing was there.
“Oh, you liked that did you?â€￾ Selagrith crooned. “Would YOU like to serve evil just as that grotesque butterfly does now?â€￾ Aiolos gazed at Selagrith, her eyes begging for mercy. Selagrith rasped again, this time quite softly. “Ardra! Watch the shrimp while I check in with that worthless bunch of griffins. And DON’T try ANYTHING, you hear?â€￾ Selagrith ran past Ardra and sprang into the air, his monstrous black wings beating furiously. He was quite beautiful, though he was evil. If only I could convince him to serve the Light, not the Dark, thought Aiolos, he would be great.
Ardra walked up to Aiolos, her beak extended as a greeting. Aiolos knew this, though she had never heard of it.
“Listen, Aiolos. I want to help you, though it is to dangerous during the day,â€￾ she whispered, “you’ll have to hold out ‘till nightfall. Those stupid griffins don’t patrol the area. They have alarms, but nothing else. A friend and I -don’t worry, she can be trusted- will come and help you. Selagrith will be gone for the next day, he always beats the Ashta for quite awhile if they don’t do things right. All’s you have to worry about is Malnebra. He is as large as Selagrith, but not as black, and he has a white band around his back, right leg. He serves Selagrith, and is as harsh as a Dragonlord. I will return, do not fear.â€￾ She flapped her wings once, then tramped back into the rock-castle.

(c) Aiolos Ravi 2005-present

[+ Silver - Orbs +]

well i like it

[Chalgrish]

It lacks depth, and your use of some grammatical symbols seems to be rather loose.

[Aiolos]

Ya, I know. I'm gonna right the whole thing, then edit parts (inculding this one) that I think need redoing.

[Aiolos]

Hmm...maybe I'll just trash it, then start another one....

[wut2say]

why trash it u probably worked really hard on it


ill admit it needs some work so just put it in the back of the drawer for a while and bring it out later when u have a clear mind and fix it



i do that with some of my stories and it works great!

[Aiolos]

I'll do that!

[Jake]

wow thats a good story, hey how long did it take you to write that huh?

[Aiolos]

This only took about an hour. I'm a really slow writer, but I have the whole story planned out in my head.

[Aiolos]

Hey, is my avatar visible to anyone?

[Firuweata]

If the avatar is supposed to be an X then yes...

If not, than no...

[Aiolos]

Hmm....I can't get anything to work...it was fine before, but then just went away...

[Firuweata]

I can see it now...

[John]

*rolls eyes* Ignore Chalgrish...anyway, It's very good. YOu see, I have whole episodes in my head, planets, systemns, galaxies, characters, towns, etc., but I cant write them down...YOur idea reminds me of one of mine...though not nearlly as badly thought-out.

[Aiolos]

I'm sure you can't be THAT bad of a writer. All's you need for writing is a computer/ pencil+paper and your imagination!

[Firuweata]

I once visited a sea that was pure, liquified electricity...

I don't know why, but your story reminds me of that...

[Jishdefish]

Talk about a shocking swim......

I can't write my story with pencil and paper........... it doesn't flow properly................ I usually use the computer

[Aiolos]

Same here.

And a sea of electricity? That sounds oddly attractive...

[Jishdefish]

Seems kinda dangerous to me..... like going into a dragons den dressed as a deer......

[Firuweata]

It wasn't as dangerous as it seems. I even got a chance to swim in it...

The only reason normal electricty hurts is because it has a lot of ampres. This sea was extremely low on ampres, and it could barely be felt...

Also, electricty usually will travel downward...

That's why the electric slide never seriously hurt anybody...

And it is really cool. The villages that sprung up around there are cool as well, though, relative to Earth's, very strange...

[wut2say]

yeah john wut aiolos said

stroies dont have to be goodright off the bat. even writers have to edit their stories many times before editors accept them(arrgh evel editors sometimes they ruin awesome stories becuse they dont like them)

[Chalgrish]

I see one thing that could make it roll. Adjectives. And don't use common ones like fast or hard. Instead use swift and resilient, understand? believe me, editors are nice. Publishers are.....bleheheh....*shiver*

[wut2say]

i really dont like either of them they both give me the creeps

[Firuweata]

I get about as far as having a good idea in my head, then when I try and write it down, my short attention span makes me do something else...

[Jishdefish]

I usually get some Ideas in my head in school then by the time I get home my mind has furnished those Ideas so they are about ten times better then what I started with....