The novel I am writing....Please read!
Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 9:40 am
Chapter One: The Murder
Jackie ran down a small neighborhood street, with a group of teens hot in pursuit. Jackie strained to get her legs to go faster, even though they ached and strained with the effort. There was no time to slow and rest now, for the gang sought her life.
The gang was called The Bear gang, nobody knew why. The gang had quite a reputation, despite their mysterious nature. They were known to hold grudges for centuries at a time, and avenge them in a particularly nasty way; murder. Even though they were clearly identified as being the murderers, the police never were able to catch them. Every clue ended up a dead end, every chase became a futile attempt, no matter how promising it was. The police were helpless; they no longer even tried to interview the survivors from the attacks if the Bear gang caused the murder. Now the victims were helpless; no one would stand against them except for a few. Those had been picked off one by one, only Jackie’s mother remained. Just as any other of their murders started, they began to chase Jackie, the only relation remaining to her mother.
This had started two weeks ago, when she turned 17. Since then it had become routine to flee for her life. The first time it happened Jackie had stopped and asked what they were doing following her, only to be answered by a dagger flying past her head and burrowing itself in a nearby wall. This had startled her and sent her flying to get home. She had wondered since then what she had done. Never had she done anything to harm them. The only one who was against them now was really her mother, but that never seemed to matter. They would attack her now until her mother finally came to object, which is when they would kill her.
Jackie now turned down another road and screamed down the street, her pixie-style hair whipping her face. Why do they do it, why? She thought as she speeded past the houses. As she turned through a complex series of roads, she heard the gang’s shouts fade from her range of hearing. Her storm-gray eyes gleamed with relief when the shouts finally disappeared into silence. She knew that they had given up on the chase for tonight. Gasping for breath, she plodded over to the curb and sat. Her legs and feet burned with pain and her lungs screamed with exhaustion, refusing to let her go on without resting. It was seemed like an eternity before the pain resided, even though by her watch, only a couple minutes had passed. Shrugging her backpack higher on her shoulder, Jackie stood and turned into a nearby cul-de-sac. Her body felt like a weight on her feet, slowing down her already sluggish pace. She had only walked a few yards when some quiet voices whispered out of a nearby alleyway. Jackie stopped in her tracks and slowly turned her head in the direction of the alley, peering cautiously over the piles of garbage. Though, what met her view was completely unexpected. Behind the trash heaps were two figures, one was an unusually large Husky and the other was a two-headed snake! She jumped as they turned and looked at her with expressions on their faces that were nearly as shocked as hers did. She rubbed her eyes and looked again but only saw the tip of a tail disappearing behind the house. She dashed to look where it had gone but she could only see a chain-link fence and a yard of dandelions, nothing close to what she had seen. In fact, there was no evidence at all that they had even been there, except from the fact that she had seen them.
“Have I gone completely crazy?â€￾ she muttered to herself. Her mind was filled with all sorts of thoughts when she turned out of the alley and back onto the sidewalk. The pain in her thighs had subsided thanks to the adrenaline pulsing through her body. She was the jumpy sort of alert; even her own footsteps were causing her heart to leap with fear. A bird screamed in one of the trees, making Jackie leap a foot and run forward. Soon she stopped running and turned into a park. The sweet smells of the pines and juniper wafted about the air and finally calmed her alarmed state-of-mind. The leaves crunched under her feet as she wound her way about the trees. Squirrels danced around her, prancing away from her feet. Every little ray of sunlight illuminated the peaceful wilderness, making it seem like she had just stepped into paradise. She finally came to a small, secluded house sitting in the middle of a clearing with a winding road leading up to it.
“Home sweet home,â€￾ Jackie breathed as she trudged up the steps to the door. She took out a key ring, the keys jingling along with four pendants on it, a snake, a unicorn, a dragon, and a spider.
The Unicorn was formed from carved ivory with ebony hooves, a golden horn, an emerald eye, and a mane of rose quartz. The snake was formed from a large emerald with a ruby eye and ivory fangs. The dragon was made of jasper with a topaz eye, ebony claws, and ruby wings. The spider consisted of ebony with ruby eyes and a ruby marking on the back like a black widow. Each of the pendants was set in tarnished silver that had been worn from use. The pendants had been passed down through Jackie’s family for ages, and were originally made for warding off demons.
She unlocked the door and stepped inside. The scent of lavender incense reached her nose and she sighed. Jackie slung her backpack onto a hook by the door and kicked off her shoes. Her socks were covered with millions of tiny snakes; they were a gift from her mother.
Jackie’s mother always had loved snakes and had once kept a large garter snake that had wandered in their house two summers ago until she finally let it free. Jackie never wondered why she loved snakes so much; she just shrugged her shoulders and said that it’s just one of those things you can’t explain why its like that if anyone asked why.
As she plopped onto the couch she noticed that everything was silent, too silent. Just in case, Jackie cautiously stepped on the bottom step. Jackie was walking up the stairs when she spied a piece of paper that had been pinned to her mother’s door. On it was a note, along with some messy ink blotches.
______________________________________
MIGHT AS WELL KISS Y0UR DEAD M0THER G00DNIGHT! WELC0ME T0 MY LITTLE “GAMEâ€￾. I’LL GET Y0U S00N!
-Y0UR DEFEAT0R; The Bear Gang
Jackie gasped and dropped the note. Adrenaline pulsed through her veins as she dashed into the room. What she saw when she opened the door sent an icy chill through her body. On the floor lay her mother, pale, her face frozen in a grim mask and a hole in her chest where the heart was, or used to be. The blood had dried into frozen maroon puddles all over the carpet. Jackie covered her mouth and held back the urge to vomit. Then, Jackie collapsed into a heap on the floor, and everything started to fade from her vision. Just as she passed out, the note she had dropped in fear burst into violet flames and disappeared, almost as if enchanted by some form of black magic.
Chapter Two: Unusual Events
It was pitch black outside when Jackie groggily arose. The edge of her vision was blurred and the dim lighting allowed her no view of her surroundings. She felt like she had just awoken from a deep sleep as she swayed and staggered on her uneasy feet. When she had found the wall, her fingers started fumbling for a light switch. Once she had flipped the switch, Jackie instantly wished she hadn’t woken. Her mother lay there, pale as the night before. Her eyes spilled over at the sight of her last living relative mangled and trussed about. Jackie hurried over to the spot where she had dropped the note, hoping it had just been part of a vivid dream. A scorch mark announced that the incident had been all too real.
Jackie broke down into sobs of grief, horror, and many more emotions that she could not name. Why would anybody do such a thing? She thought in her misery, if only I could have gotten here a bit earlier, I could have saved her. I might have stopped whatever abomination did this.
The memory struck her like an iron fist, -Your Defeator, the Bear Gang the note had been signed. This made her feel no better. The Bear gang was impossible to catch. With another sob, Jackie picked up the phone and dialed the police.
The police arrived with sirens wailing and shrieking loudly through the night. Jackie’s mother was covered with a sheet and loaded into a large van while Jackie sobbed into a hanky one of the officers had given her.
“It’s ok ma’am. It’ll be alright,â€￾ one of the officers said, attempting to comfort Jackie, “When things like this happen, the best thing we can do is to find the murderer before it happens again. Now, did you see any signs of who it was? People running from the scene? Notes? Anything?â€￾ Jackie gave a nod that was barely visible.
“There was a note,â€￾ she rasped through her tears, “It was signed -Your Defeater, the Bear Gang at the bottom.â€￾ The police women shook her head.
“Then there’s nothing we can do about it.â€￾ came the solemn reply.
“What do you mean, nothing you can do?! Shouldn’t you be looking for evidence? Interviewing people? What happened to the ‘We will find out’ attitude?â€￾ Jackie shouted in fury. The police woman just shook her head.
“Sorry, but this homicidal maniac who did this just can’t be caught, Evidence or no evidence. Sorry, ma’am, but It can’t be done.â€￾ The police officer walked away and was half-way out the door when she stopped and turned back towards Jackie.
“I do understand how hard it must be for you. I don’t want you to think I’m your enemy and I don’t want to feel like I hurt your life.â€￾ The officer sighed. “The police are going to pay your bills for a year or so, just to help you to get back on your feet. After that, your going to have to survive on your own.â€￾ Finally, the officer walked out the door and got into her car. She drove away, leaving Jackie standing on the porch, weeping.
Finally, Jackie went inside and closed the door. As she reached the bed, a memory shot through her mind.
Jackie’s mother, Iayna, sat by the phone, crying.
“Mommy, what’s wrong?â€￾ asked Jackie, who was seven years old at the time.
“Uncle Nes was murdered last night.â€￾ Ianya sniffed.
Jackie had cried hard for days after, he had been her favorite uncle. Now, even more memories came flooding through her head, each one having the same plot. All her relatives had been murdered, and now only she remained.
“I’m next,â€￾ she whispered to herself. She reached her hand to the door and locked it. I hope that this will be enough to stop the murderer Jackie thought, though she knew that it wouldn’t come even close to even momentarily halt him.
As soon as she had done the same with all the doors and windows, Jackie sunk under her covers and finally drifted into an uneasy sleep.
Jackie sat at the breakfast table the next morning and silently ate a piece of toast buried in cinnamin and sugar. Her mind wandered through the events of the past night. Everything had happened so quickly, it had hardly given her time to think.
I knew that she would have to die someday, but not this soon! Jackie thought with a sigh. She finished her toast then paused, a small puff of smoke was slithering out of the oven burner! Dashing over to the burner, Jackie tried to see where the smoke was coming from. The only problem was that the smoke was just appearing from nowhere. Jackie backed away, coughing up a storm. She let out a faint gasp as she noticed that the smoke was writhing and twisting, as if it had a life of its own. Soon it began to take the form of an adult woman who looked strangely familiar. Jackie’s eyes widened in a mix of fear and disbelief as she finally realized who it was.
“Jackalin, my daughter, listen well, for I don’t have much time,â€￾ the ghost said.
“Mom?â€￾ Jackie squeaked.
“No time to talk, I have something very important to tell you, it sounds weird but magic is real, and you and I areâ€￾ The ghost tried to finish but it was cut off mid-sentence as she dissipated before Jackie’s eyes.
Jackie’s eyes welled up with tears as she fell to the floor and sobbed. It seemed like hours had passed when she finally stopped and stood. A grim resolve gripped her mind as she grabbed her pack. I’m going to get rid of this murderer, no matter what it takes. And with that thought she went out of the door and walked to school.
Jackie walked down the school halls and came up to her locker. She fumbled with the lock for a moment then swung it open. She hung her pack on one of the hooks and then took out her three ring binder. As she did this, a little slip of paper fluttered out of her binder. She picked it up with a smile, it was probably from Ellie, her friend, who enjoyed doing such things. After she turned over, her smiled disappeared. The note was definitely not from Ellie.
That is my novel so far.....Its not perfect, of as good as I wish it were, but I hope you enjoy it all the same. Please tell me your honest opinion on the book!
Jackie ran down a small neighborhood street, with a group of teens hot in pursuit. Jackie strained to get her legs to go faster, even though they ached and strained with the effort. There was no time to slow and rest now, for the gang sought her life.
The gang was called The Bear gang, nobody knew why. The gang had quite a reputation, despite their mysterious nature. They were known to hold grudges for centuries at a time, and avenge them in a particularly nasty way; murder. Even though they were clearly identified as being the murderers, the police never were able to catch them. Every clue ended up a dead end, every chase became a futile attempt, no matter how promising it was. The police were helpless; they no longer even tried to interview the survivors from the attacks if the Bear gang caused the murder. Now the victims were helpless; no one would stand against them except for a few. Those had been picked off one by one, only Jackie’s mother remained. Just as any other of their murders started, they began to chase Jackie, the only relation remaining to her mother.
This had started two weeks ago, when she turned 17. Since then it had become routine to flee for her life. The first time it happened Jackie had stopped and asked what they were doing following her, only to be answered by a dagger flying past her head and burrowing itself in a nearby wall. This had startled her and sent her flying to get home. She had wondered since then what she had done. Never had she done anything to harm them. The only one who was against them now was really her mother, but that never seemed to matter. They would attack her now until her mother finally came to object, which is when they would kill her.
Jackie now turned down another road and screamed down the street, her pixie-style hair whipping her face. Why do they do it, why? She thought as she speeded past the houses. As she turned through a complex series of roads, she heard the gang’s shouts fade from her range of hearing. Her storm-gray eyes gleamed with relief when the shouts finally disappeared into silence. She knew that they had given up on the chase for tonight. Gasping for breath, she plodded over to the curb and sat. Her legs and feet burned with pain and her lungs screamed with exhaustion, refusing to let her go on without resting. It was seemed like an eternity before the pain resided, even though by her watch, only a couple minutes had passed. Shrugging her backpack higher on her shoulder, Jackie stood and turned into a nearby cul-de-sac. Her body felt like a weight on her feet, slowing down her already sluggish pace. She had only walked a few yards when some quiet voices whispered out of a nearby alleyway. Jackie stopped in her tracks and slowly turned her head in the direction of the alley, peering cautiously over the piles of garbage. Though, what met her view was completely unexpected. Behind the trash heaps were two figures, one was an unusually large Husky and the other was a two-headed snake! She jumped as they turned and looked at her with expressions on their faces that were nearly as shocked as hers did. She rubbed her eyes and looked again but only saw the tip of a tail disappearing behind the house. She dashed to look where it had gone but she could only see a chain-link fence and a yard of dandelions, nothing close to what she had seen. In fact, there was no evidence at all that they had even been there, except from the fact that she had seen them.
“Have I gone completely crazy?â€￾ she muttered to herself. Her mind was filled with all sorts of thoughts when she turned out of the alley and back onto the sidewalk. The pain in her thighs had subsided thanks to the adrenaline pulsing through her body. She was the jumpy sort of alert; even her own footsteps were causing her heart to leap with fear. A bird screamed in one of the trees, making Jackie leap a foot and run forward. Soon she stopped running and turned into a park. The sweet smells of the pines and juniper wafted about the air and finally calmed her alarmed state-of-mind. The leaves crunched under her feet as she wound her way about the trees. Squirrels danced around her, prancing away from her feet. Every little ray of sunlight illuminated the peaceful wilderness, making it seem like she had just stepped into paradise. She finally came to a small, secluded house sitting in the middle of a clearing with a winding road leading up to it.
“Home sweet home,â€￾ Jackie breathed as she trudged up the steps to the door. She took out a key ring, the keys jingling along with four pendants on it, a snake, a unicorn, a dragon, and a spider.
The Unicorn was formed from carved ivory with ebony hooves, a golden horn, an emerald eye, and a mane of rose quartz. The snake was formed from a large emerald with a ruby eye and ivory fangs. The dragon was made of jasper with a topaz eye, ebony claws, and ruby wings. The spider consisted of ebony with ruby eyes and a ruby marking on the back like a black widow. Each of the pendants was set in tarnished silver that had been worn from use. The pendants had been passed down through Jackie’s family for ages, and were originally made for warding off demons.
She unlocked the door and stepped inside. The scent of lavender incense reached her nose and she sighed. Jackie slung her backpack onto a hook by the door and kicked off her shoes. Her socks were covered with millions of tiny snakes; they were a gift from her mother.
Jackie’s mother always had loved snakes and had once kept a large garter snake that had wandered in their house two summers ago until she finally let it free. Jackie never wondered why she loved snakes so much; she just shrugged her shoulders and said that it’s just one of those things you can’t explain why its like that if anyone asked why.
As she plopped onto the couch she noticed that everything was silent, too silent. Just in case, Jackie cautiously stepped on the bottom step. Jackie was walking up the stairs when she spied a piece of paper that had been pinned to her mother’s door. On it was a note, along with some messy ink blotches.
______________________________________
MIGHT AS WELL KISS Y0UR DEAD M0THER G00DNIGHT! WELC0ME T0 MY LITTLE “GAMEâ€￾. I’LL GET Y0U S00N!
-Y0UR DEFEAT0R; The Bear Gang
Jackie gasped and dropped the note. Adrenaline pulsed through her veins as she dashed into the room. What she saw when she opened the door sent an icy chill through her body. On the floor lay her mother, pale, her face frozen in a grim mask and a hole in her chest where the heart was, or used to be. The blood had dried into frozen maroon puddles all over the carpet. Jackie covered her mouth and held back the urge to vomit. Then, Jackie collapsed into a heap on the floor, and everything started to fade from her vision. Just as she passed out, the note she had dropped in fear burst into violet flames and disappeared, almost as if enchanted by some form of black magic.
Chapter Two: Unusual Events
It was pitch black outside when Jackie groggily arose. The edge of her vision was blurred and the dim lighting allowed her no view of her surroundings. She felt like she had just awoken from a deep sleep as she swayed and staggered on her uneasy feet. When she had found the wall, her fingers started fumbling for a light switch. Once she had flipped the switch, Jackie instantly wished she hadn’t woken. Her mother lay there, pale as the night before. Her eyes spilled over at the sight of her last living relative mangled and trussed about. Jackie hurried over to the spot where she had dropped the note, hoping it had just been part of a vivid dream. A scorch mark announced that the incident had been all too real.
Jackie broke down into sobs of grief, horror, and many more emotions that she could not name. Why would anybody do such a thing? She thought in her misery, if only I could have gotten here a bit earlier, I could have saved her. I might have stopped whatever abomination did this.
The memory struck her like an iron fist, -Your Defeator, the Bear Gang the note had been signed. This made her feel no better. The Bear gang was impossible to catch. With another sob, Jackie picked up the phone and dialed the police.
The police arrived with sirens wailing and shrieking loudly through the night. Jackie’s mother was covered with a sheet and loaded into a large van while Jackie sobbed into a hanky one of the officers had given her.
“It’s ok ma’am. It’ll be alright,â€￾ one of the officers said, attempting to comfort Jackie, “When things like this happen, the best thing we can do is to find the murderer before it happens again. Now, did you see any signs of who it was? People running from the scene? Notes? Anything?â€￾ Jackie gave a nod that was barely visible.
“There was a note,â€￾ she rasped through her tears, “It was signed -Your Defeater, the Bear Gang at the bottom.â€￾ The police women shook her head.
“Then there’s nothing we can do about it.â€￾ came the solemn reply.
“What do you mean, nothing you can do?! Shouldn’t you be looking for evidence? Interviewing people? What happened to the ‘We will find out’ attitude?â€￾ Jackie shouted in fury. The police woman just shook her head.
“Sorry, but this homicidal maniac who did this just can’t be caught, Evidence or no evidence. Sorry, ma’am, but It can’t be done.â€￾ The police officer walked away and was half-way out the door when she stopped and turned back towards Jackie.
“I do understand how hard it must be for you. I don’t want you to think I’m your enemy and I don’t want to feel like I hurt your life.â€￾ The officer sighed. “The police are going to pay your bills for a year or so, just to help you to get back on your feet. After that, your going to have to survive on your own.â€￾ Finally, the officer walked out the door and got into her car. She drove away, leaving Jackie standing on the porch, weeping.
Finally, Jackie went inside and closed the door. As she reached the bed, a memory shot through her mind.
Jackie’s mother, Iayna, sat by the phone, crying.
“Mommy, what’s wrong?â€￾ asked Jackie, who was seven years old at the time.
“Uncle Nes was murdered last night.â€￾ Ianya sniffed.
Jackie had cried hard for days after, he had been her favorite uncle. Now, even more memories came flooding through her head, each one having the same plot. All her relatives had been murdered, and now only she remained.
“I’m next,â€￾ she whispered to herself. She reached her hand to the door and locked it. I hope that this will be enough to stop the murderer Jackie thought, though she knew that it wouldn’t come even close to even momentarily halt him.
As soon as she had done the same with all the doors and windows, Jackie sunk under her covers and finally drifted into an uneasy sleep.
Jackie sat at the breakfast table the next morning and silently ate a piece of toast buried in cinnamin and sugar. Her mind wandered through the events of the past night. Everything had happened so quickly, it had hardly given her time to think.
I knew that she would have to die someday, but not this soon! Jackie thought with a sigh. She finished her toast then paused, a small puff of smoke was slithering out of the oven burner! Dashing over to the burner, Jackie tried to see where the smoke was coming from. The only problem was that the smoke was just appearing from nowhere. Jackie backed away, coughing up a storm. She let out a faint gasp as she noticed that the smoke was writhing and twisting, as if it had a life of its own. Soon it began to take the form of an adult woman who looked strangely familiar. Jackie’s eyes widened in a mix of fear and disbelief as she finally realized who it was.
“Jackalin, my daughter, listen well, for I don’t have much time,â€￾ the ghost said.
“Mom?â€￾ Jackie squeaked.
“No time to talk, I have something very important to tell you, it sounds weird but magic is real, and you and I areâ€￾ The ghost tried to finish but it was cut off mid-sentence as she dissipated before Jackie’s eyes.
Jackie’s eyes welled up with tears as she fell to the floor and sobbed. It seemed like hours had passed when she finally stopped and stood. A grim resolve gripped her mind as she grabbed her pack. I’m going to get rid of this murderer, no matter what it takes. And with that thought she went out of the door and walked to school.
Jackie walked down the school halls and came up to her locker. She fumbled with the lock for a moment then swung it open. She hung her pack on one of the hooks and then took out her three ring binder. As she did this, a little slip of paper fluttered out of her binder. She picked it up with a smile, it was probably from Ellie, her friend, who enjoyed doing such things. After she turned over, her smiled disappeared. The note was definitely not from Ellie.
That is my novel so far.....Its not perfect, of as good as I wish it were, but I hope you enjoy it all the same. Please tell me your honest opinion on the book!
